I can’t remember when it happened, but I recall one instance — possibly in middle school. I was on the floor, screaming because my cramps were so severe.
That was a long time ago, but I always remember it because it was a foreshadowing of what would become a regular experience for me in the future.
When I was in high-school, I suffered from dysmenorrhea (painful periods). Even though I recall starting my period in middle school, my period experience shifted over time and became painful.
Severe cramps and vomiting became my regular experience. Every month, year after year, with the occasion of a few miracles, this was my experience.
I sometimes had to miss school for the day or be sent home early because I was in such pain. It was a horrible experience that often lasted for the first day of my period. Then, things would return to normal.
After at least two years of pain, I went to the doctor’s office and was prescribed birth control pills. I think I decided to take the birth control because I was moving away from home for the first time to go to college. The thought of living with roommates while dealing with this condition didn’t seem like a great idea.
Ironically, that year I had no roommates. I was able to live in a one-person dorm room.
During my second year of school I did have roommates, but I was no longer taking birth-control. I started getting nauseous whenever I was about to take the pill. I would just gag or spit up.
At the time I believed that this was God showing His disapproval with me for taking birth control, so I stopped taking them. I was experiencing a lot of spiritual turmoil during that time, and there were a lot of things that I believed that just weren’t true.
To this day I can’t explain why the pills make me nauseous.
During my second year of school, my period seemed to be getting even worse. In the past, I was always in severe pain. I would cry and get angry. I would be unable to get out of bed, and I couldn’t eat or drink anything for most of the day because I was nauseous and vomiting, but now there were new symptoms.
Shaking and chills were new physical symptoms, but what was most difficult was the mental and emotional pain that I experienced. I became very depressed and found myself in a dangerous headspace. The combination of stress from college and from dysmenorrhea felt like it was more than I can bear.
At least two years have passed since my sophomore year at that university and it feels like my period is even worse. I experience symptoms such as cramping, sore throat, fatigue, anxiety and depression prior to the day of my period. Sometimes the symptoms begin two weeks before my start date.
I have had some really dark moments, but something always stopped me from going back on birth control.
For one, I really don’t like taking pills. I would rather find a natural remedy to ease the pain. Unfortunately the alternative remedies that I have tried — such as heating pads, exercise, nerve stimulation and eating healthy — are not enough for me. Heating pads are great, but they don’t stop the pain. I recently tried using a TENS machine to relieve my pain, but the electrical currents are uncomfortable and not the best fit for my needs.
Another issue that held me back was my frustration with doctors. I can only remember a handful of good experiences at the doctor’s office. The doctor never did anything bad, but it felt like they didn’t really care about my health. There was this underlying sense of rush, apathy and sometimes irritation. I want to go to a doctor that I know is looking out for me and if that is not the sense that I get, it’s very uncomfortable going to that doctor for help.
I often feel defensive when I make a doctors appointment, like I’m fighting to get what I need.
However, the biggest thing that has kept me from going back on birth control is my misunderstanding of God and His character. Unconsciously, I believed in a skewed version of faith healing. I believed that I should rely on a miraculous healing instead of the use of any type of medication.
As my symptoms continued to persist and things weren’t getting any better, I started to think that maybe God didn’t want me to pray for healing anymore. Maybe God wanted me to live with dysmenorrhea until I reached menopause.
Over the years I’ve tried to understand why I have dysmenorrhea and the previous conclusions that I came to at different points of my life is evidence of this. The only thing I can say now is, medicine isn’t bad and everyone has their burden to bear.
For you that might be a wheel-chair, a difficult home life, arthritis, the list goes on and on. Everybody has something that they go through and it’s not necessarily because God wants them to go through it. It’s just apart of the world that we live in and God may be using it to strengthen our faith. I know that doesn’t make it any less painful, and I want you to know that your pain is valid. I say all of this only because through my experiences and what I’ve read in biblical accounts, this is what I know to be true.
My burden to bear has been dysmenorrhea and although I’ve hated every minute of it, I cannot deny that I have learned so much from this experience. I have become a stronger Christian and a more empathetic person. I learned to respond differently to pain, anxiety and depression. I’m still learning a lot of lessons.
Most things don’t last forever.
Whether you find a solution to your problem, or for those who are believers and know that they will soon be in a place with no sorrow and no death, everything has to come to an end.
I hope my burden to bear ends sooner than later because I have recently gone back on birth control, but who knows what will happen?
Last Edited: 9/8/2021
