When I was a teenager, I thought I knew so much more than I actually did. I was so confident about where I’d be in the next ten years, about my passions and dreams, about my relationship with God. The world was much smaller, and I thought I knew all the chapters in my story.
Nothing came like I expected. I didn’t get married after high-school. I didn’t move overseas and devote myself to ministry. I didn’t graduate from a four year college, even though I expected that to just happen.
Here I am now, at 24 years old, and in some ways life has become clearer. I see more clearly because I realize that I can’t really see what’s ahead of me. And I still have a long way to go. In my 30s I will probably look back and see more twists and turns in God’s story for my life.
By 24, I thought I’d have a really close church community. I thought I’d have deeper friendships, people that I talk to everyday. I thought my relationship with God would feel happier, more exciting, more comforting.
I’m still learning a lot about God. I’m still learning a lot about life. I’m still learning a lot about myself. And I think I’m okay with that.
If I got married right after high-school, it would have been a hard decade lying ahead of me. I was so insecure, so young in my faith, and I had not yet been hit with the trials and testings that have brought me to the place I’m at today. I think I would have struggled a lot in my marriage, and even though I believe God would have worked it out, it’s a struggle that I’m not sorry I missed out on.
If I had moved overseas to devote myself to ministry just a few years ago, I would have been disappointed. I don’t believe it would have brought me the happiness I wanted, or the fulfillment I was looking for. It hurt when that door closed in my life, but I’ve had a lot of new experiences since then that I’m grateful for.
I may not have a close church community, or the types of friendships I want, but I’ve learned a lot more over the years about what it means to be a friend and what it means to to be a part of a church. I’m still learning how to serve, love, surrender, and let people into my life. My social anxiety gets the best of me many times, but that doesn’t mean the Lord isn’t working in me.
I wonder what seven or eight year old Erin would think of her 24 year old self. Back then, my world was even smaller. I never pictured myself moving out of my hometown, let alone traveling overseas without my family. I changed my career choice often and I didn’t really have to make a decision.
I wrote whatever stories came to mind. I said the things that were on my heart. I picked a new hobby whenever I wanted to, and I saw nothing wrong with living with my parents forever. My life was not easy, even at seven or eight. It was just different because I saw the world differently.
As a teenager, my world was different.
Now in my 20s, I see the world differently too.
If I am blessed to make it to my 30s, 40s, and beyond, I think a new decade will come with a new perspective.
I plan to welcome the new perspective, but for now I’ll enjoy learning in my 20s. I’m almost halfway there, and I wouldn’t be surprised if these next few years take some interesting turns
